we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
