Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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