I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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