But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
