Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
