yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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