Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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