i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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