who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
