the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
