she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
