Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
