it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
