If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
