'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
