idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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