he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
