the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
