Sry I called you an 8
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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