he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
