And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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