I am puke
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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