Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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