If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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