update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
