He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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