I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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