ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
