i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you had me at cake vodka
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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