I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
