you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
