Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
