I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
