if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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