i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
