Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
