You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
