well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
