What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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