thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
