I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
