1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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