i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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