this beer tastes like vomit already
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
