He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
