holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
