why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
