no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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