There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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