Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I love having hate sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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