guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
