Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
