WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
