And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
