Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
