Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
