We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
